I have always been fascinated by people who are able to walk through life
without caring whether or not they are liked by others. They simply shrug off all negative opinions that others have of them. Their lives are not altered one bit by the thoughts and opinions of the people around them. I, on the other hand, have never been one of these people. I’m a sensitive soul, compassionate of others and a pretty nice person. So I have always wanted and expected people to like me. Unfortunately, when they did not like me for one reason or another, I went out of my way to find out why and if possible change their view of me.
From childhood I have been a chronic people pleaser so I intrinsically care about people’s opinions of me. I was raised in a time when it was taught that if you say the right thing, do the right thing and stay on the narrow path then people will like and accept you. This turned out to be the case most times, but sadly for me, not all the time. Fundamentally this line of thought made sense but realistically it put most of the responsibility on my shoulders and it was a huge burden to carry. What this taught me was that somehow I was in control of what others thought when I really wasn’t and could never be. It was very egotistical of me to think that I had some sort of mind altering power over someone else.
As I get older I realize that one cannot control the thoughts, opinions or views of another. I only have power over myself and my only responsibility is to love others, not to control them. While I was wasting energy trying to change the views of the few who did not like me, I was in essence trying to control them. I decided a long time ago to let them have their opinion and what they think of me is none of my business. Only what I think of myself is important.
I have also realized that I cannot be an effective individual in the lives of others while being obsessed with my own personal feelings. Of course, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be liked. We all want to be accepted. Even now, I sometimes wince at the thought of someone not liking me but it doesn’t feel as important to me anymore. Life isn’t just about me. I believe the individuals that I am so fascinated by really want to be liked also. But they have learned to prioritize their feelings and I have too. And I’m fascinated by that.
